Kelly Clarkson says she hated life in the years following her American Idol win.
The original winner of the show in 2002 admitted that the show's makers were out for themselves as opposed to caring about her well-being.
She told Redbook magazine: ''I'm going to be completely honest—I had no one looking out for me. They were looking out for the show, and it was horrible.''
The 30-year-old added: ''I was 19 years old. I was smart enough to know that it wasn't about me, but that didn't make it any easier. I'm all cried out about it, but my first four years, I hated my life; I almost quit a dozen times.''
Now Kelly—who is dating her manager's son, Brandon Blackstock—says she is finally happy.
She continued: ''Where's the kick in the ass? I told my assistant that today. I said, 'I'm just waiting for something to blow up.' She said, 'No, that's what happiness is.' I'm like, maybe I've never been happy! Because Brandon does—he makes me happy.''
Kelly, who recently joined the panel of new television talent show Duets as a mentor, has recently dropped 30 lbs. from her fuller figured frame.
She revealed: ''I do cardio. I run. I strength-train using my own body weight. I don't like free weights, because I build muscle easily.''
''Really, what I try to instill in my fans is to be healthy and happy,'' she says. ''I have no desire to be super-skinny.''