TOTOO BA: May effect sa bata ang reaction ng parents sa sex-related topics?

by FM Ganal
Oct 18, 2019
Psychologist, educator, and sex therapist Dr. Margie Holmes says helping children develop a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships, and marriage starts with the parents.
PHOTO/S: iStock

Mas maigi ba kung open ang communication ng mga magulang sa kanilang anak tungkol sa sex?

Ayon sa psychologist, educator, at sex therapist na si Dr. Margie Holmes, merong tactful approach sa sensitive topic na ito.

"Two things," panimula ni Dr. Holmes.

"Can I give a joke? The joke is this five-year-old person or six-year-old person is applying for school and she asks her daddy, 'Daddy, what is sex?'

"So, the father explains, 'When you love each other, Daddy plants a seed… So, it is okay?'

"'Yes, but how do I put it in this thing? It only says M or F? Male or Female.'"

Ani Dr. Holmes, dapat maintindihan muna ng magulang kung ano talaga ang gustong malaman ng anak.

"Kailangan itantsa mo kung ano kailangan nila," she says, "but in my clinical experience and the research shows, even if you tell your child too much, okey lang.

"He will throw out what he doesn't need at that time. That's number one."

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Ang second pointer ay naka-depende sa attitude and reaction ng parents sa topic.

Ang sabi ni Dr. Holmes, "The child can learn so much, parang subliminally, based on your behavior.

"For example, nabuntis yung kanyang kaibigan. In the past—I don't know how it is in the present—you're kicked out of convent school.

"Now, depending on what the parent says, the message you give to the child is that.

"Instead of being kind to a person who maybe she made a mistake, maybe she doesn't feel like she made a mistake, 'Ay, nakakahiya naman!' This is what your child will get.

"Or if you say, 'Wow, kawawa naman. Where will she go?' You see? This is what you're teaching your child."

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SEX EDUCATION BEGINS AT HOME

Diniscuss din ni Dr. Holmes ang sexual identity at sexual orientation.

Ayon sa Sex Talks with Dr. Holmes, "One of their most common problems is homosexuality. Why is it a problem?

"Not whether it's good or bad, per se. I personally believe it's not, you know.

"But the problem of the children was how to tell the parents. They were so scared. Ay, hindi ba ang lungkot?

"Your parents are supposed to be your allies. They're the ones who are supposed to help you with the problems you have, and yet they were part of the problem.

"So, what I'm saying I think is that your child learns from you.

"What you teach them about sex is not just the lecture, not just the blah-blah-blah, but how you live your life."

In addition to this topic, dapat rin daw maging mindful ang parents nakikita ng mga bata sa marriage nila.

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Ang sabi ni Dr. Holmes, "You know if a father tells his son, 'You have to respect your wife. Marriage is a relationship that has been sanctioned by the church, sanctioned by the God above...'

"Pero nangangaliwa. Hindi siya nahihiya dalhin iyong girlfriend niya. The wife is constantly belittled. Now, is this father credible?"

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Kung ano rin daw ang reaction ng magulang sa marital abuse ay may epekto sa psyche ng bata.

"This is what I always say—not always naman because I don't like to be parang yabang and insensitive—but some women, we'll just say, are brutalized either physically or verbally abused by their husbands.

"And one reason that many women give is, 'I don’t want my children to grow up in a broken home.'

"E, hindi na ba broken yung binubugbog ka? Siyempre, usually you don't speak for a while, hindi ba iyon broken?

"And again, in sex education, what will your children learn from you? Binubugbog ka, nandiyan ka pa rin.

"Your sons might learn that it's okay pala. 'Daddy did it and look, my mother's still here. She may cry a little bit or a lot, but nandito pa siya, e.'

"And especially the daughters. The daughters might believe the same way. 'Ay, kapag bugbugin pala ako, siguro it's okay. It's part of my luck as a woman.'"

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Nakausap ng PEP.ph (Philippine Entertainment Portal) si Dr. Holmes during the mini press conference para sa show niya na Sex Talks with Dr. Holmes.

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Psychologist, educator, and sex therapist Dr. Margie Holmes says helping children develop a healthy attitude towards sex, relationships, and marriage starts with the parents.
PHOTO/S: iStock
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