Gretchen Barretto: "I can say I'm okay. I'm not super happy."

"I'm fascinated by the fact that they're fascinated with me... I playalong. I play the game, because these wealthy, pa-sosyal people, Ithink they're so damn bored with their life. If my mission in life isto entertain these rich, bored people, so be it," says Gretchen Barretto.



Nagbigay ng panayam ang kontrobersiyal na aktres na si Gretchen Barretto sa isang local na pahayagan nitong Linggo (March 9) upang muling i-promote ang kanyang kauna-unahang music CD na Unexpected.

Sa simula pa lang ng interview ay naungkat na ang pagka-media magnet ni Gretchen, 38, isang dating sexy star na naging mistress ng bilyonaryong si Antonio "Tonyboy" Cojuangco, 56. Ngayon ay gustong bumalik sa limelight si Gretchen sa pamamagitan ng isang CD na naglalaman ng mga luma't emosyonal na mga awitin.

"I really don't know. Because I'm fascinated by Gretchen, too. So I really can't imagine why they're not fascinated with Gretchen," natatawang sagot ni Gretchen sa tanong kung bakit fascinated ang mga tao sa kanya.

"I'm fascinated by the fact that they're fascinated with me... I play along. I play the game, because these wealthy, pa-sosyal people, I think they're so damn bored with their life. If my mission in life is to entertain these rich, bored people, so be it.

"Naaaliw din naman ako, e," pag-amin ni Gretchen. "I love it when I enter the room and I see that they're all staring at me. And I'm like, ‘yeah?'"

Dagdag pa niya, "Not because they're wealthy, I'm going to forever sit there. My wealth is what I believe in and how I can fend for myself. That is mine."

Nakasulat sa artikulo na kasama ni Gretchen si Tonyboy at ang kanilang anak na si Dominique, 12, sa Estados Unidos sa pinaka-latest na check-up ng negosyante. Mali ang impormasyon ng pahayagan dahil hindi sumama si Gretchen kay Tonyboy.

Sa past interviews ni Gretchen, sinabi ng aktres na kailangan daw may kasama rito sa Pilipinas ang anak nilang si Dominique kung sakaling may mangyari. Magulo raw kasi ang political situation sa Pilipinas ngayon dahil sa sunud-sunod na rally ng mga iba't ibang grupo na nagnanais na mapatalsik sa puwesto si Pangulong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

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LESSONS LEARNED. Nang tanungin naman kung ano ang mga natutunan niya sa lahat ng mga pinagdaanan niya sa buhay, ito ang sagot ni Gretchen: "What have I learned? Not to fear. Every low moment in my life is a defining moment. I've always come out better."

Kaugnay naman ng kanyang debut music album, sinabi ni Gretchen na ngayon niya lang naisipang gumawa ng CD dahil ngayon lang niya naramdaman ang mga emosyon na nilalaman ng bawat kantang nakapaloob sa kanyang album.

"Falling in love, you must have that emotion. You can't sing a love song without being in love," pahayag ni Gretchen.

Nang tanungin kung in love ba siya ngayon, "I don't know. What do you think?" balik-tanong na kasagutan niya.

Sa tingin kaya ni Gretchen ay ang mga choices na ginagawa niya ay siya ring nagde-define sa kanya?

"Hey, I'm human," sagot ni Gretchen. "I make mistakes. No one is perfect. The difference is, my mistakes, they're magnified. It's all over. That's the price I have to pay for being Gretchen Barretto. And why am I Gretchen? Because they put me here."

LISTENING TO HERSELF. Sinabi rin ni Gretchen na ang taong pinapakinggan niya at tinatakbuhan niya tuwing nagkakaroon siya ng problema ay ang kanyang sarili.

"I have to say this, but I listen to myself. Because everybody makes pakialam with my life, everybody has something to say. But at the end, I always follow my instincts, my feelings. Nobody can stop me. No one. That is me. When I wanna do something, I do it."

Aniya pa, "I make palpak, it's my decision, so okay, I'm sorry. Madali ako mag-sorry, e, that's why I get away with things... Especially with Tony. Also, I think people expect me to make mistakes. That's the best part."

Sa tingin kaya ni Gretchen ay nasa kanya na lahat ngayon?

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"No," sagot ng aktres. "Nobody has anything and everything. There are things lacking, things that money can't buy. Like more shoes. That was a joke ha!" tawa niya.

WALKING DOWN THE AISLE. Sa mahigit isang dekadang pagsasama nila, hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin mapakasalan ni Tonyboy si Gretchen dahil hindi pa naa-annul ang kasal ng negosyante sa una nitong asawa na si Denise Yabut. Isa ba sa mga bagay na hindi mabibili ni Gretchen ngayon ay ang wedding gown?

"A wedding gown, I can buy," paglilinaw ng aktres. "It's really walking down the aisle. It's not that piece of paper. I just really want the baduy wedding. I just want that day.

"If it comes, it comes. If it comes, everybody's invited. And everyone will know because there's nothing I do that people don't know about, anyway. But I haven't decided."

Bakit hindi niya magawa hanggang ngayon na mamuhay na siya lang at ang kanyang anak na si Dominique?

"It's not that easy because people would be hurt," paliwanag ni Gretchen. "You may think I'm selfish and I love myself too much, but I also love a lot of people. And as much as I want to give myself what I feel I deserve and want and really love, I also feel that I have an obligation. And that obligation is to protect some people. I'm not ready to to just do whatever. It's not an easy decision."

CLUELESS. Ano naman ang nararamdaman niya sa tuwing nauugnay siya sa ibang pangalan?

"I don't always like it, simply because I don't know if people go out and befriend me because they want the attention, the scandal or because I'm just really fun to be with. I honestly get the feeling that they just love it.

"When I say, ‘Hey, guess what, it's you and me now,' they're like ‘Really?'" natatawa niyang kuwento.

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Dagdag ni Gretchen, "I don't know if I'll be flattered o maiinis ako. But I'm more flattered. I'm fun naman, ah, ‘tapos I'm beautiful. Aside from that, I'm talented!" tawa niya ulit.

Hindi ba niya naiisip minsan na mas maganda kung iwanan na lang niya ang lahat ng ito?

"Why would I want to get away from it?" tanong niya. "I take refuge in that option. But don't you think I love what I'm doing? Am I not being my own person? I'm not going to allow anyone to make me lose myself.

"When I'm just so sick and everything is so magulo, I just turn to myself and say, ‘Today I know in my deepest level that I am an incredible woman. I am all that and more."

Masaya ba siya?

"Generally speaking, I can say I'm okay. I'm not super happy," sagot niya.

Nagdiwang ng kanyang 38th birthday si Gretchen noong March 6, ano ang birthday wish niya?

"I'm afraid to wish for myself because I really don't know if I really truly want that, or if I'm really ready for what I want in my life or what my fantasy is," sagot ni Gretchen.


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