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Meryll Soriano recalls dark moments in 2007: "I was in a terrible place with my relationships."

by Rachelle Siazon
Jun 3, 2021
Meryll Soriano on how she dealt with bipolar disorder and past drug use "Buti na lang, since I'm clinically diagnosed with bipolar, that means I have a doctor, a psychiatrist, at that time. And also because meron akong sober counselor, na sumalangit nawa, mahal na mahal ko, na tinulungan ako sa aking sobriety."
PHOTO/S: @planetumeboshi Instagram

Hindi itinago ni Meryll Soriano, 38, na may pinagdaanan siyang madilim na nakaraan noong panahong hindi pa niya lubusang kilala ang sarili.

Sa kanyang YouTube vlog nitong June 1, nagbalik-tanaw si Meryll sa tripleng kondisyon na kinailangan niyang harapin para maging masaya siya sa buhay.

Taong 2007 nang magdesisyon siyang magpa-counsel bilang bahagi ng kanyang treatment sa dating paggamit ng droga.

Napag-alaman din niya mula sa isang doktor na mayroon siyang bipolar disorder, isang mental health condition na nagreresulta sa extreme mood swings gawa ng chemical imbalance.

Ipinagbubuntis noon ni Meryll ang panganay na si Elijah, anak ng aktres sa dating asawa na si Bernard Palanca.

Balik-tanaw ni Meryll ukol sa kanyang mental condition: "It was also that year that I was diagnosed with bipolar depression, before po ako nanganak niyan.

"Can you imagine yung journey ko na chaos? Kasi hindi ko pa naman kilala yung bipolar at that time. Kailangan ko pa i-assess yung sarili ko.

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"But, wala rin akong time nun because that was also the year that I started my sobriety from drug use.

"In short, I was all over the place."

In denial daw si Meryll noon kaya apektado pati ang mga desisyon niya sa buhay.

Hindi niya tuwirang binanggit sa vlog, pero Pebrero 2007 nang maiulat ang hiwalayan nila ni Bernard.

Ikinasal ang dalawa sa huwes noong September 2006. Taong 2015 nang ma-annul ang kanilang marriage.

Patuloy ni Meryll sa kanyang vlog: "Tapos hindi maganda yung relationship status ko at that time. Nakikilala ko pa lang sarili ko.

"May mga desisyon ako na dahil pala sa aking pagiging bipolar disorder. Akala ko risk-taker lang ako. But, meron pala akong condition.

"So, yun nga, hindi ko pa kilala yung sarili ko with this bipolar disorder thing, and in denial po ako noon.

"Ang dami kong gusto kong gawin.

"Tapos I was in a terrible place with my relationships—family, partner, friends—kaya it was really a hard moment in my life."

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Nang ika-apat na buwan ng pagbubuntis ni Meryll kay Elijah, tinanggap daw niya ang pagkakaroon ng anak kahit walang katuwang sa buhay.

Aniya, "And then in-embrace ko yun. I had a very happy pregnancy.

"Ang problem lang po talaga, meron akong bipolar disorder, which means I am already dealing with chemical imbalance.

"And then my sobriety akong tina-tackle."

ON MERYLL'S POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IN THE PAST

August 2007 nang ipinanganak ni Meryll si Elijah.

Matapos manganak, bukod sa bipolar disorder ay nagkaroon siya ng postpartum depression.

"Dun ako nagkaroon ng postpartum depression. Grabe yung hormonal changes and talagang I was in a terrible place," pag-amin ni Meryll.

Umabot daw sa punto na nagkaroon siya ng suicidal thoughts.

Aniya, "I had the thoughts of suicide. I had thoughts of hurting myself..."

Sa puntong ito, ibinahagi ni Meryll ang importansiya na humingi siya agad ng professional help para malampasan ang madilim na yugtong iyon ng kanyang buhay.

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"So guys, this is very serious. Pinagdaanan ko po ito... Hindi po siya masaya. Kagulo siya sa utak niyo and you don't understand this.

"Buti na lang, since I'm clinically diagnosed with bipolar, that means I have a doctor, a psychiatrist, at that time.

"And also, because meron akong sober counselor, na sumalangit nawa, mahal na mahal ko, na tinulungan ako sa aking sobriety [recovery treatment]. Clinical pyschologist siya.

"So, meron akong dalawang doctor—meron akong psychologist at meron akong psychiatrist. Talagang tinulungan po ako noon."

Aminadong hindi madali ang proseso bago niya naharap ang kondisyon. Kaya malaking bagay na humingi raw siya ng saklolo.

"Hindi pa masyadong aware ang mga tao noon about this condition. Even my family does not understand it.

"It was a journey with my psychologist and my psychiatrist. Kaya I really encourage you guys to have one or to talk to your doctors kung paano kayo magkaroon ng extra support sa part na yun."

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MANAGING HER SECOND POSTPARTUM JOURNEY

December 2020 nang ipanganak ni Meryll ang anak nila ng current partner na si Joem Bascon.

Malaki ang pasasalamat ni Meryll dahil liban sa hormonal changes ay wala raw siyang dinanas na postpartum depression.

"This time around siguro, I have Joem. Laking tulong niya sa aking personal needs as a person, as his partner, and then also, yung needs ng baby. So, talagang natutulungan niya ako.

"And also, I'm ready for this baby. Unlike noon with Eli, it wasn't planned.

"And I was going trough so much at that time kaya na-experience ko yung postpartum depression."

Meryll Soriano with partner Joem Bascon

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Sa huli, inulit ni Meryll na mahalaga ang kumonsulta sa doktor para sa bagay na may kinalaman sa mental health.

Sa Pilipinas, ang 24/7 suicide prevention hotline ay (02) 804-4673; 0917-5584673; and 2919 for Globe and TM subscribers.

Mental Health: Cause and Prevention

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Meryll Soriano on how she dealt with bipolar disorder and past drug use "Buti na lang, since I'm clinically diagnosed with bipolar, that means I have a doctor, a psychiatrist, at that time. And also because meron akong sober counselor, na sumalangit nawa, mahal na mahal ko, na tinulungan ako sa aking sobriety."
PHOTO/S: @planetumeboshi Instagram
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