May kaibahan ba ang parenting roles ng mommies at daddies?

by Justine Punzalan
Dec 30, 2019
Co-parenting is not about setting aside your differences as parents, but rather, knowing your parenting roles, and how they addresses your child's needs.
PHOTO/S: ISTOCK

"Teamwork makes the dream work."

Akma ang quote na ito maging sa parenting.

Ayon kay Dr. Joseph Regalado, ang professional healthcare chairman ng Philippine Pediatrics Society, ang team parenting ay highly-recommended because it brings out the best in a child.

Ito ang naging topic ng pediatrician sa Similac GainSchool Parenting Forum na naganap noong November 13, 2019, sa The Mess Hall, Makati City.

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DIFFEREnCES in PARENTING STYLES

It's a given na magkaiba ang parenting style ng nanay at tatay, at ang advice ni Dr. Regalado ay i-maximize ang differences na ito to raise a well-rounded child.

Aniya, "Research suggests that the majority of parents display a certain parenting style that may or may not differ from that of his or her partner.

"Thus, team parenting is when these two different parenting styles work in harmony to achieve the common goal—raising their child to be the best he or she can be."

Nag-agree si Bianca Gonzalez na may dalawang anak.

Ang sabi ng misis ni JC Intal, "Team parenting isn't about agreeing with each other all the time. It's about communication, compromise, and collaboration.

"JC and I have our differences, but we always try to meet halfway.

"Despite how different we are, we complement each other as we work together as a team and, seeing how Lucia is growing up to be strong, we're confident that we're doing a good job."

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DIFFERENCES IN PARENTING ROLES

Very common yung "good cop-bad cop parenting," kung saan ang lenient parent ang siyang "good cop," habang ang isa naman ay ang "bad cop."

Usually, si nanay ang mabait, at si tatay ang mas istrikto.

Pero hindi kinakailangang mag-role playing.

Kung stronger ang personality ni nanay then so be it. And the dad does not have to be the scarier parent parati.

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So next time the mom sees the dad being playful with the kid, huwag awatin.

Let the kid differentiate the roles his/her parents play sa buhay niya, para ma-train siyang maging flexible sa mga taong makakasalamuha niya at mga sitwasyong haharapin niya sa buhay.

Ang paliwanag pa ni Dr. Regalado, "Kapag pinag-usapan natin, the mother and the father, the 'good cop' and the 'bad cop,' iyong mga tatay, bina-bounce-bounce iyong baby.

"Tingnan niyo ang bata, they love to be with their dad when they're in the mall.

"Bakit? Kasi iyong mom, kung hawakan ang bata, halos hindi makagalaw ang bata.

"Natatakot ang mga nanay na baka malaglag.

"'E, iyong mga tatay nasa ulo, e, isang kamay lang ang hawak.

"So nakita niyo mga mothers, halos walang space for movement beyond a certain comfort zone of the mom.

"'Tapos iyong mga fathers, 'Sige go ahead, go ahead.'

"That's the difference between the fathers and the mothers."

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Sa pagpapatuloy ng pedia, "It's not just solidarity of the mother and the father agreeing on one thing.

"The different qualities can create a healthy balance in childhood development because the child will be able to see we are not born on the same practices... our mother, our father... they are all different.

"So be exposed to differences...It's also important iyong sometimes, you see [them becoming] more adaptive sa environment kasi iba iyong approaches, e.

"They'll know how to [adjust to] dad, how to [adjust to] mom."

Parenting roles are also there to address a child's needs, which should be discussed by both the mom and dad.

They have an effect on the academic performance.

"...when the dad and mom are very close, mataas ang score ng mga bata.

"They also found out that iyong mga choices ng mga bata are very good when the parents are actually team parenting."

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Kaya ang team parenting goes beyond being present in a kid's life. It is also about being an influential presence in his/her life.

Inulit ng pediatrician ang role ng ama sa pagpapalaki ng anak.

"Iyong mga bata has better grades if the father is also there. Mas maganda ang school performance and even their level of confidence are higher when the father's there... Napaka-importante kasi ng, 'Good, good job!' 'You passed? Perfect! Good,' ganoon usually ang approach ng mga tatay."

Bukod pa rito, mas nagiging emotionally strong at independent ang anak.

Ang sabi ni Dr. Regalado, "They suffer from lower self-esteem kung one side lang of the family is there and there is no one to complete.

"And, of course, mayroon na doon iyong issues coming around...

"Children may develop anxiety, depression, and other issues when conflicted parental relationships result in dysfunctional parenting practices...

"That's why the thrust in imposing and pushing team parenting again is very important, to prevent a lot of these very important issues coming around."

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Co-parenting is not about setting aside your differences as parents, but rather, knowing your parenting roles, and how they addresses your child's needs.
PHOTO/S: ISTOCK
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