Nadine Lustre discovers brother's blog posts about failed romance, depression, suicide; he would be 17 today

IMAGE Instagram @nadine

Nadine Lustre's emotional message to late brother Isaiah who would have turned 17 today, October 13: "I know now that whatever challenge I will have to face, I will be able to pull through because of you. Im gonna miss your face and miss hearing your corny jokes. I wish you stayed with us longer. I am keeping my promise and we will still travel the world together. No more crying. Happy Birthday Dude."


Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, isiniwalat ni Nadine Lustre ang natuklasan niyang blog site ng yumaong nakababatang kapatid na si Isaiah: ang medium.com/@isaiahlustre.

Ayon kay Nadine, ika-17 na kaarawan sana ngayon ni Isaiah.

Pahayag ni Nadine sa kanyang Instagram post pasado ala-una ng umaga ng Oktubre 13:

“Im so proud of you.

"Never knew you had such talent with words.

"Im happy to have read all of your entries and discover that you have such a beautiful mind.

"Excited to read your scripts/stories soon.

"https://medium.com/isaiahlustre/latest."

Kung susumahin mula June 2016 hanggang July 2017, ito ay naglalaman ng blog posts ng pinagdaanang depression ni Isaiah dala ng hiwalayan nila ng isang taong sandali niyang nakarelasyon ngunit ilan taong lihim na minahal.

DEPRESSED, RESTLESS, AND CONFUSED? Sa blog posts ni Isaiah mula June 27 hanggang September 7, 2016, inilarawan niya ang sarili na madalas na mas gustong mapag-isa, may dinaramdam na problema, at hindi malaman kung ano ang dapat gawin.

Mayroon daw siyang pakiramdam na “emptiness, painful feelings, restless nights, at confusion.”

Narito ang isang bahagi mula sa July 25, 2016, blog post ng noo'y 15-year-old:

“...i always end up thinking, you ask what?, pretty much about everything, what i do, what i should do, what i shouldnt, it doesn’t feel wrong, but it also doesn’t feel right, a little bit of both maybe

“...there’s this feeling that keeps coming back, cant explain it, its heavy from time to time, confusion maybe?

"...i wonder what it is, I cant seem to fill it or satisfy it."

Sa kanyang blog post noong August 6, 2016, sinabi ng binata na mayroon daw itong "emptiness" na nararamdaman. 

Naisip din ni Isaiah, “...itd be a miracle to find anyone in the same hole with me, maybe thats what I need? Someone to lean on?”

UNREQUITED LOVE, SHORT-LIVED ROMANCE, BREAKUP. Mula September 7 hanggang December 7, 2016 ng kanyang blog posts, unti-unting isiniwalat ni Isaiah ang tungkol sa kanyang “unrequited love” para sa isang hindi pinangalanang tao.

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Tila ito rin ang panahon na nag-confess siya sa taong iyon ng kanyang lihim na pag-ibig.

Pagpasok ng taong 2017, nagbunga ang paghihintay ni Isaiah nang sa wakas ay maging magkarelasyon sila.

Ngunit February 2017 pa lamang, nag-post si Isaiah na naghiwalay din sila matapos lamang ng “two months.”

Lumipas pa ang tatlong buwan bago tuluyang ibinahagi ng binata kung paano siya hiniwalayan ng kanyang di pa rin pinapangalanang karelasyon.  

Sabi ni Isaiah sa blog post na may petsang May 21, 2017: “Thank you, so much, I never really thought about it that for four years I tried to force something unto you that you didn’t want, until one day you agreed, even if it was just a month, im really happy I got a chance to spend and make memories that will last forever, memories that I shall cherish and hope you will too.”

Dinibdib daw nang husto ni Isaiah ang hiwalayan nila ng kanyang karelasyon.

Lalo pa't base sa kanyang mga kuwento ay itinuring niya itong matalik na kaibigan at lihim na minahal ng ilang taon bago pa man naging sila.

SUICIDE ATTEMPT. Base pa rin sa kanyang blog posts, dumaan si Isaiah sa matinding depression.

Umabot sa puntong nagtangka siyang magpakamatay.

Sabi ni Isaiah sa blog post na may petsang June 26: “Ive tried to kill myself, once, with a shard of glass in hand I tried to cut deep on my arms but to no avail, now that I look back to it now, what difference would it make?

“Absolutely nothing.

“When you die in this world people may hold a funeral for you, maybe a few people will cry, and leave some sad for days, weeks, months, years, then what?

“They all move on with their lives, why?

“Because there is no use in being sad, there is no use crying for something that is already gone, because it wont change a god damn thing.”

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Ayon kay Isaiah, pilit niyang pinaglalabanan ang kanyang depression, lalo pa’t alam daw niyang may mga taong di hamak na mas malaki ang mga problema kaysa sa kanya.

Ngunit sadyang nahihirapan daw ang binata.

OBJECT OF AFFECTION. Nang sumunod na buwan, noong July 28, 2017, tuluyang nagpahiwatig si Isaiah tungkol sa taong lubos niyang minahal.

“I’ve tried to be the best version of myself for people around me, tried to please them and tried to impress, ive become someone so focused on a person of interest and made him my world, committed to someone that did not ask anything from me from the beginning.”

Sabi pa niya, “To love is to feel pain, to feel pain is to be human, only the insane equate pain and suffering with success, but insanity was never an enemy of mine, Ive stabbed my own heart in hopes for a saviour, he came, but when his job was done, he left, and im back in the mist of my false hopes, dreams and fantasies, I pretend, I act, I lie, I wound, like a caged animal.”

NADINE'S MESSAGE FOR ISAIAH. Ayon kay Nadine, hindi niya mapigilang maiyak nang husto nang mabasa ang lahat ng blog entries ng yumaong kapatid.

Sa kanilang magkakapatid, tila pinakamalapit si Isaiah kay Nadine.

Ilang beses kasing nabanggit ng binata, sa kanyang blog posts noong nakaraang taon, na nami-miss niya ang Kapamilya actress, na kadalasan ay abala raw sa trabaho at on-location shoots.

Pero sa kabila ng pagdadalamhati ni Nadine, inihayag niya sa kanyang Instagram post na nais niyang magpakatatag para sa yumaong kapatid.

Proud ate rin ang aktres dahil sa madamdamin at eloquent na pagkakasulat ng yumaong kapatid sa blog posts nito.

Ang pinakaunang entry pa ni Isaiah ay isang comic short story tungkol sa “after-work-hours” kulitan ng tatlong magkakaibigang nagtatrabaho sa isang hotel.

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Sabi ni Nadine: “I want to thank you for teaching everyone a very important lesson.

“Thank you for opening my eyes and making me braver.

“I know now that whatever challenge I will have to face, I will be able to pull through because of you.

“Im gonna miss your face and miss hearing your corny jokes.

“I wish you stayed with us longer.

“I am keeping my promise and we will still travel the world together.

“No more crying.

“Happy Birthday Dude. ????

“Joyeux voyage, je t'aime frère ?”

KEEP GOING. Sa naunang post ni Nadine kagabi, Oktubre 12, nagbahagi ang aktres tungkol sa sarili niyang pakikipaglaban sa depression.

Dito ay nagpahiwatig ang dalaga na noong panahong lugmok siya sa kalungkutan ay sumagi sa isip niya ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay.

Ngunit sa tulong ng mga mahal sa buhay ay napagtanto niyang hindi kailanman solusyon sa depression ang pagpapakamatay.

Sinabi rin ni Nadine ang kahalagahan ng pagkakaroon ng lakas ng loob at tiwala sa sarili.

Dahil sa huli, aniya, “The only validation that you will ever need is one from yourself.”

Ang kapatid ni Nadine na si Isaiah ay hinihinalang nagpakamatay sa pamamagitan ng pagbaril sa kanyang ulo.

Ayon sa ulat ng Quezon City Police District Criminal Investigation and Detection Unit, na nailathala sa journal.com.ph, natagpuang duguan at nakahandusay si Isaiah sa loob ng silid nito noong Sabado ng gabi, Oktubre 7.

Isinugod ang binata sa Pacific Global Medical Center, ngunit hindi na rin ito nailigtas.


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