Final letter of SHINee's Jonghyun revealed; family says no to autopsy

Jonghyun: "It's amazing how much I'm hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not. Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am."


Ilang linggo bago pumanaw ang SHINee member na si Jonghyun, isang "suicide note" ang ipinadala niya sa isang malapit na kaibigan.

Ibinilin daw ng K-pop star sa kaibigan na ibahagi ito sa buong mundo kapag nawala siya.

At ito nga ang ginawa ng singer na si Nine9 ng Dear Cloud pagkatapos pumanaw ni Jonghyun nitong Lunes, December 18, sa edad na 27.

Ayon kay Nine9, hiningi muna niya ang permiso ng pamilya ng SHINee member bago niya ibinahagi sa Instagram ang liham na iniwan sa kanya ni Jonghyun.

Base sa nilalaman ng liham, na nakasulat sa Korean language at isinalin sa English ng iba't ibang online news sites, dumanas ng matinding depression si Jonghyun.

Ang matinding depression na ito ang nag-udyok sa kanya upang kitilin ang sarili niyang buhay.

Narito ang kabuuan ng huling liham ni Jonghyun:

"I am damaged from the inside.

"The depression that has been slowly eating away at me has completely swallowed me, and I couldn't win over it.

"I hated myself. I tried to hold on to breaking memories and yelled at myself to get a grip, but there was no answer.

"If I can't clear my breath, it's better to stop.

"I asked myself who can take care of myself.

"It's only me. I was alone.

"It's easy to say I'll end things. It's hard to end things.

"I lived all this time because of that difficulty.

"They said I wanted to run away. That's true. I wanted to run away.

"From me. From you.

"I asked who it was. It was me. And it was me. And it was me again.

"I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality. I see. It was my fault in the end.

"I wanted someone to notice, but no one noticed. No one met me, so of course they don't know I exist.

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"I asked why people live. Just. Just. People just live.

"If I ask why people die, I guess they'd say they were tired.

"I suffered and I worried. I never learned how to turn my pain into happiness.

"Pain is just pain.

"They told me not to be like that.

"Why? I can't even end things the way I want?

"They told me to figure out why I was hurting.

"I know very well why. I'm hurting because of me. It's all my fault and because I'm bad.

"Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear?

"No, I didn't do anything wrong.

"When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor.

"It's amazing how much I'm hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not.

"Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am.

"But they said I should live.

"I asked why so many times, but it's not for me. It's for you.

"I wanted to be for me.

"Don't say things that don't make sense.

"Figure out why I'm hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting. Is it not okay to be hurting this much because of that? Do I need a more dramatic detail? I need more of a story?

"I told you why. Were you not listening? Things I can win over don't end in scars.

"It wasn't my place to clash with the world.

"It wasn't my life to be known to the world.

"They said that was why I was hurting more. Because I had clashed with the world, because I was known to the world. Why did I choose this? That's funny.

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"It's a miracle I lasted this far.

"What more can I say? Just tell me I worked hard.

"That it was good of me to come this far. That I worked hard.

"Even if you can't smile as you let me go, please don't blame me.

"I worked hard.

"I really did work hard.

"Good bye."

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TRIBUTE. Bilang tribute sa pumanaw na K-Pop star, isang black-and-white photo ni Jonghyun habang nasa entablado ang ibinahagi ng SM Entertainment sa kanilang official Twitter account at maging sa official account ng SHINee.

Caption nila rito: "Jonghyun is the best artist who loved music more than anyone else, enjoyed the stage, and liked communicated with fans through music. We will remember you forever."

NO AUTOPSY. Samantala, nagdesisyon ang pamilya ni Jonghyun na huwag nang ipa-autopsy ang mga labi nito.

Ito ay dahil sigurado na silang namatay ang singer dahil sa pagpapatiwakal.

Ayon sa Seoul Gangnam Police District, "It looks definite that the deceased has committed suicide, and the family does not want an autopsy, so we will not be performing an autopsy. We will be finishing the investigation after the questioning of the family is over."

Natagpuang wala nang malay si Jonghyun sa inuupahan niyang apartment sa Gangnam kahapon, December 18.

Isinugod siya sa ospital ngunit tuluyan na siyang binawian ng buhay.

Si Jonghyun ang lead singer ng five-member K-Pop group na SHINee, na nag-debut noong 2008.

Ang iba pang mga miyembro ng sikat na grupo ay sina Onew, Key, Minho, at Taemin.


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