Sa dami ng hiwalayan sa showbiz, naging topic sa Christmas party ng PEP.ph (Philippine Entertainment Portal) ang cheating.
Nang araw na iyon, November 30, 2023, natigil pa nga ang games dahil biglang inanunsiyo ni Pink Siazon: "Hiwalay na ang KathNiel. Confirmed."
Tuloy, lahat nagsilabasan ng kani-kanilang laptop.
Read: How cheating partners in showbiz redeem themselves—or not
Pero bago pa noon, usap-usapan na ang mga nangaliwa, mga third party at naging kabit, at mga babaeng iniwan o ipinagpalit.
Dumating sa puntong nagkaroon ng debate: Sino ang may sala? Ang lalaking nangaliwa o ang babaeng pumatol?
Tatlo sa mga nagdebate nang araw na iyon ang magbabahagi ng kanilang saloobin. Here are their PEP OUTTAKES.
ROSE GARCIA, PEP.ph CONTRIBUTOR
Klaro sa isip ko na mali ang lalaki.
Hindi siya isang biktima at lalong hindi siya parang "helpless" na hindi mapaglabanan ang kahit na anong uri ng tukso. OF COURSE NOT!
Sa usapin ng pangangaliwa ng isang lalaki sa kanyang asawang babae—ang sisi ay sa lalaking nangaliwa at sa babaeng kumabit.
Yun nga lang, para sa akin ay lamang ang porsiyento na ka-blame-blame ang babaeng kumabit.
Iyang mga lalaki, walang excuse, MALI, at hindi dapat jina-justify ng mga salitang “na-in love ako,” “na-fall,” “hindi ko na mahal ang asawa ko,” etcetera.
Kung iyan ang sitwasyon, kung talagang wala nang pag-asa ang pagsasama, tapusin nang maayos bago pumasok sa ibang relasyon.
Lalo na kung ang rason ay hindi mo na mahal ang asawa mo, di ba? Masakit man, pero malaya siyang umalis MUNA sa relasyon bago pumasok sa isa pa.
Pero kung ikaw na babae ang pumapasok sa isang relasyon na alam mo sa umpisa pa lang ay may asawa o posibleng may mga anak pa nga— teka naman, alam mong may masisira.
Alam mong hindi tama.
Pero, ini-entertain mo!
At ang masaklap, minsan ang matapang pa sa tunay na asawa ay ang kabit, ha.
Naniniwala ako, kahit nga sa panliligaw pa lang, kapag ang babae, kung talagang ayaw sa isang lalaki, gaano man siya i-pursue, hindi siya magpapaasa.
Mas lalo naman siguro sa isang may asawa na.
May pinanghahawakan din ako.
Hindi pagiging "holier than thou," pero malinaw ang kautusan na bawal magnakaw o maghangad ng pagmamay-ari ng iba.
Di ba mas matindi pa kung ito ay relasyon na pinagbuklod ng Panginoon o pamilyang mawawasak?
Sa society na meron tayo ngayon, huwag sana nating i-justify ang pagiging kabit o pangangaliwa na "na-in love, e."
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Read:
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FK BRAVO, LIFESTYLE WRITER
Cheating is no accident. It's a voluntary response to temptation and personal urges.
It’s no butt dial and it certainly isn’t “just a mistake.”
Part of the problem is that we keep infantilizing men to a degree where we collectively believe they are incapable of sustaining the mental fortitude to resist sexual impulses.
This brings me back to Kim Chiu’s statement in an It’s Showtime episode in June 2021—where she sided with a ReiNanay contestant who shamed her husband’s mistress as the one at fault.
Vice Ganda corrected her, saying it was in fact more the husband’s fault.
Kim insisted the blame was all on the mistress: “Hindi, nasa tamang harot lang din iyan. Kasi ang mga lalaki, marupok. Mahina sa tinatawag na harot.”
My eyeballs were rolling to the back of my skull and I feared they may never go back.
Just imagine, despite all the steps forward we’ve taken, it’s still very much a man’s world.
A man getting brownie points for “allowing” his partner to fly to greater heights, can also be the same man who gets immunity from flak when he "suffers" from insecurity and then cheats.
I'm not a super fan of Vice Ganda, but I was just so relieved to hear what she had to say about [the issue]: “Actually ang nanloko nga sa iyo, hindi naman ang babae kasi wala naman siyang obligasyon sa iyo, e. Wala siyang 'pinangako sa iyo. Wala kayong usapan. Ang may obligasyon sa iyo, yung lalaki kasi kayo ang may pagkakaunawaan, e. Hindi mo partner ang babae.”
I couldn’t have said it better. The accountability should not only fall on the third party's shoulders, it should fall squarely on the one in the relationship.
It’s an invalid point to say “mahina o marupok ang mga lalaki” and “nadadala lang sa harot” because men and women alike are exposed to temptations.
The difference is, women are expected to be faithful and to stay loyal because “it's true to their personality,” while men get a free pass because of an ingrained belief that “it's in their nature na matukso ta's manloko.”
Forgive me for my feminist take, but if the bar for men is literally on the floor, why is the bar for women next to God’s throne?
Never in the histories I have read did a cheating man ever receive as many lashings as a cheating woman has.
Notice how, when a man cheats, the blame is frequently directed at the third party, using a slew of the most inhumane, derogatory terms?
He’s branded a philanderer, but the other woman is forever stamped with labels like sl*t, wh*re, harlot, h*e, sk*nk, p*kp*k, and the like.
Then pay notice to how, when a woman cheats, everyone thinks: “Sayang, ang bait-bait ni guy. Sinayang lang ni girl ang fidelity ni guy” or “Grabe may mga babae pala na ganyan, di kayang makuntento?”
That’s the point right there—“may mga babae pala na ganyan”—because throughout history, women are never even expected to act on their urges.
Meanwhile, all men benefit from bad men.
The worse stories a woman hears about bad men, the better she feels about her man, no matter how little he actually gives her of himself and how badly he manipulates, gaslights, or torments her.
KAREN AP CALIWARA, EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Cheating should never become the norm.
I have witnessed politicians openly displaying their mistresses while their legal wives turn a blind eye.
Why does this happen? It's not solely because men are inherently "marupok," but also because women condone the infidelity of married men.
Maraming babaero (I use this term for married men who engage in extramarital affairs); marami ring babaeng pumapatol sa babaero.
But why do we still have many enduring marriages? Because more women choose not to entertain married men.
Just imagine how chaotic this world would be if every married man is entertained by the woman he desires.
Those who become mistresses may have reasons other than love or lust.
I know a few women who were given no way out by politicians who took good care of their families and showered them with gifts they couldn't afford on their own.
I know a few others who were lied to and were quick to leave upon learning the truth that they were merely the third party.
Then there were those who got stuck.
It always takes two to tango. No man will cheat if there's no woman willing to engage in it.
Even if the guy says, "the marriage is on the rocks," and starts looking for other women, goodness, "end the marriage first!"
Of course, this is easier said than done.
Sadly, the wives are partly to blame. They made the guys greedy. They allowed them to get away with cheating.
I will repeat what I said earlier: Cheating should never be the norm.
So, no matter how harsh or difficult the truth is: If the guy you once chose falls out of love, let him go.
Don't try so hard to keep him that you allow him to cheat. Don't make him the unfaithful man.
But what if the guy simply wants to play around even after he's married? Meaning, there's no reason for him to cheat, but he's a babaero anyway.
Personally, if this happens to me, I will just end the relationship. Masakit, I bet. Pero after a while, I will most likely move on.
The mere thought of keeping tabs on the ladies he dates is too much stress.
I cannot NOT feel anything naman. Mas masakit, actually. Why live miserably or prolong your pain?
And again, I do not want a married man who cheats. Period.
This is my conviction, and it's something I want to teach my daughter as well.