BB Gandanghari says being legally a woman gave her reason to live

BB Gandanghari: "I finally feel that I exist, that I'm on record and yes... that I'm ALIVE..."

by Rachelle Siazon

Published Jan 3, 2017

BB Gandanghari on being legally a woman: "I finally feel that I exist, that I'm on record and yes... that I'm ALIVE." BB previously admitted to having thoughts of committing suicide during a transition period in her life.

BB Gandanghari is still on cloud nine over the approval of her petition for change of name and gender in the United States.

Read: BB Gandanghari's petition to change name, gender approved by U.S. court

In her Instagram post today, January 3, BB recalled how she used to have thoughts of committing suicide back during her dark days as Rustom Padilla.

The 49-year-old transwoman related: “Since my life turned upside down sometime in the late 1990's, I felt my life was stalled, embracing death, ready to face it eye to eye anytime... anywhere.

“FEARLESS? Maybe...

“I say maybe bec I maybe fearless of death but I was definitely in FEAR of life.

“Life was just too much bec if life is all about looking forward about the future and about goals and ambitions, I had none of it.”

BB was not only going through a transition period in her life, but she was also devastated by a heartache at the time.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW ↓

Read: BB Gandanghari thinks about committing suicide before coming out

Coming out about her gender in 2006 still wasn’t enough, according to BB.

It was only when a U.S. court granted her petition to become legally acknowledged a female, named BB Gandanghari, did she truly feel that she exists.

The court’s decision came out last November 2016.

BB further wrote, “And everything just unfolded all of a sudden.

“I was ecstatic when I got my court order.

“Overwhelmed when my driver's license finally came in the mail.

“Ecstatic and overwhelmed bec for the first time after everything has been said and done, I finally feel that I exist, that I'm on record and yes... that I'm ALIVE...”

1st of three parts... "WHAT IS EPIPHANY?" Since my life turned upside down sometime in the late 1990's, I felt my life was stalled, embracing death, ready to face it eye to eye anytime... anywhere. FEARLESS? Maybe... I say maybe bec I maybe fearless of death but I was definitely in FEAR of life. Life was just too much bec if life is all about looking forward about the future and about goals and ambitions, I had none of it. Life proved to be unpredictable and full of surprises. Rustom eventually died and BB. emerged. But then during these times I feel that I was in a balance. Living in status quo, if you know what I mean. Of course I was going thru transition too and so I thought, must be the hormones. But it isn't. I knew it was more than that. I still had no goals, content on just living on a day to day basis. Years passed and #Fall2016 came around. And everything just unfolded all of a sudden. I was ecstatic when I got my court order. Overwhelmed when my driver's license finally came in the mail. Ecstatic and overwhelmed bec for the first time after everything has been said and done, I finally feel that I exist, that I'm on record and yes... that I'm ALIVE... to be continued... #beallthatyoucanbe #diversityinhollywood #expressyourself #trust #confidence #hollywooddream #legallybbofficiallygandanghari #dreamtobecome

A photo posted by gandangharibb (@gandangharibb) on Jan 2, 2017 at 7:43pm PST

Now that she is more sure of herself, BB announced that she’s ready to make her Hollywood dream come true.

“The reason why I feel so enthusiastic about everything is bec now I have a goal, a dream, an ambition to achieve.

CONTINUE READING BELOW ↓

NOOD KA MUNA!

“And with this ambition comes the wings that I thought was clipped if not taken away forever. Praise be to my GOD...

Second of three parts... "WHAT IS EPIPHANY?" Then winter came to be. For some reason, this time of the year just makes even the most unaffected be particularly vulnerable. So the past few days I'm thinking hard, in fact asking my GOD, in all humility, what now? Why is it that I feel so different, not anymore looking forward to death but on the contrary, I have so much anticipation as to what life has to offer. And I don't feel stalled any longer, in fact very optimistic about the future, about LIFE. Then I read this, "LIFE WITHOUT AMBITION IS LIKE A BIRD WITHOUT WINGS..." and guess where? In the weirdest place ever, in the toilet while peeing of all places ???. Isn't that crazy? But crazy it may be, I was struck with it, wondering right there and then the meaning of what I just read until I realized I'm experiencing an Epiphany. The dictionary.com defines it as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. Bam!!! Gotcha! The reason why I feel so enthusiastic about everything is bec now I have a goal, a dream, an ambition to achieve. And with this ambition comes the wings that I thought was clipped if not taken away forever. Praise be to my GOD... to be continued... #dreamtobecome #legallybbofficiallygandanghari #hollywooddream #confidence #trust #diversityinhollywood #beallthatyoucanbe

A photo posted by gandangharibb (@gandangharibb) on Jan 2, 2017 at 7:53pm PST

BB added, “And who says man can't fly? Think again bec I think we do, as high as as we want... SKY is the LIMIT.

“So prepare for take off guys, flap your wings and remember one thing, travel light so we can soar even higher. So help us God! Here we go 2017!!!! Cheers everyone!

“#beallthatyoucanbe #diversityinhollywood #expressyourself #trust #confidence #hollywooddream #legallybbofficiallygandanghari #dreamtobecome”

Last of three parts... "DREAM TO BECOME" Dream so we may look for our wings that we may not know that it even exist. Yes, as long as we have goals, ambitions to achieve... our wings will eventually manifest. And who says man can't fly? Think again bec I think we do, as high as as we want... SKY is the LIMIT. So prepare for take off guys, flap your wings and remember one thing, travel light so we can soar even higher. So help us God! Here we go 2017!!!! Cheers everyone! ?????????????????#beallthatyoucanbe #diversityinhollywood #trust #confidence #hollywooddream #legallybbofficiallygandanghari #dreamtobecome

A photo posted by gandangharibb (@gandangharibb) on Jan 2, 2017 at 8:03pm PST