It's been two months since Yeng Constantino mourned the death of her mother, Susan Constantino.
In her November 26 vlog, the singer-songwriter sat down and looked back on the "most painful and difficult moment" of her life.
When her mother passed away, Yeng and her husband Yan Asuncion were in the middle of their COVID-19 battle.
Yan was asymptomatic, but Yeng wasn't.
"Nung nabalitaan ko na positive ako, confused ako kasi maingat talaga kaming mag-asawa," Yeng recalled.
"Everywhere we go, pag lalabas kami, meron kaming mask, meron kaming shield. Tapos, lagi kami may alcohol. At times, talagang super long sleeves. Naka-cap, hoodie—pinoprotektahan talagang namin ang sarili namin."
Yeng couldn't understand how she and Yan got the virus, but she had to accept the reality and stay strong enough to fight it.
YENG'S COVID BATTLE
At first, Yeng was "taking it easy." She felt it was generally for the best to avoid stress and deal with it with a sound mind.
But as the days went on and her symptoms began to manifest more, the realization that she had COVID began to sink in.
The OPM artist said in her vlog, "Habang lumilipas yung mga araw at nagkakaroon na ako ng ibang symptoms such as nawalan ako ng pang-amoy, yung panlasa ko, parang pumutla...
"Parang doon nag-sink in sa akin na, 'May COVID nga ako, noh?'
"And the scariest part for me is yung nagsimula na akong mahirapang huminga."
Yeng spent most of her days sleeping, dealing with her battle quietly to not make her husband worry.
Then as Yeng and Yan fought COVID, Yeng's mother passed away.
LOSING HER MOTHER
It was early in the morning when Yeng's father Joselito rang her up to share the devastating news.
Yeng said, "Habang natutulog kami ni Yan isang madaling araw, nag-ring yung phone. Pagsagot ko, yung tatay ko nasa kabilang end.
"That was September 23 ng mga 5AM.
"Hindi ko pa narinig boses ng tatay ko na ganoon kalungkot, 'tapos binalita niya sa amin na, iyon nga, na wala na si Mama."
Yeng revealed that her mother had been sick for a long time. As her mother aged, her condition worsened. Then by the start of this year, the sickness became too apparent to hide.
Going back to the moment her dad called, Yeng remembered sensing the despair in his voice. This motivated the singer to keep up a strong front for the family.
"Ito yung unang pagkakataon na kailangan kami maging sandalan ng tatay namin," she said.
Later on, Yeng would have her own moment of grief.
"It was only after four days saka ako nakaiyak. Madaling araw din noon.
"Kasi after Mama passed, nagigising ako madaling araw. Nag-aalala ako sa mga kapatid ko, nag-aalala ako sa tatay ko.
"But that particular morning, nag-breakdown lang talaga ako.
"Sinabi ko kay Yan na, 'Hindi ko na maririnig boses ng nanay ko.'"
Yeng then recalled her relationship with her mother. She acknowledged that they were both stubborn and strong-willed, which caused some strain in their relationship before.
But the Kapamilya artist learned the value of hard work from her mother.
EMBRACING GRIEF
At the end of the vlog, Yeng pondered on how she dealt with her grief.
"May nagsabi sa akin na yung grieving daw, it would take six months to two years before ka talaga maging fully okay.
"Pero ako, feeling ko kahit lumagpas man ng two years, yung butas sa puso namin na iniwanan ni Mama magiging nandoon lang siya forever, kasi no one can replace her."
Yeng tearfully acknowledged that she and her family still cry, but they all know they need to be strong to keep going.
"Gusto ko lang sabihin na kung may pinagdadaanan kayo, kahit ano man iyan, di kayo nag-iisa. Lalo-lalo sa mga nawalan ng mahal sa buhay, kailangan natin magpakatatag.
"Hindi lang para sa sarili natin, pero para sa mga mahal natin sa buhay. I know they're watching us and they would want us to live. Kahit mahirap, noh?
"Kaya iyan… Keep on going, kahit hindi mabilis, kahit dahan-dahan lang. One step at a time.
"Minsan it would take [so much] just for you to take a bath or make your own coffee.
"Kahit slowly, just keep on going."