“Diyan ka nagkamali, e, nag-jowa ka ng walang pera. Iyan ang aking lesson learned, never ever date someone na walang pera," declared Mimiyuuuh.
The content creator's statement became the catalyst for an online debate that asked: Should people only date, or enter into relationships, when they have the financial means to do so?
Read: Mimiyuuuh clarifies statement on dating someone "na walang pera"
FOR some CONTEXT
Mimiyuuuh's statement was part of her interview with Cosmopolitan Philippines, which was uploaded on YouTube last Monday, July 3, 2023.
In the interview, she offered advice to an anonymous sender who faced money difficulties in a relationship that has since broken up.
The sender's message read: "My ex and I broke up two months ago. May utang siya sa akin na malaki, and hindi ko alam kung paano siya sisingilin. Dapat sana magkusa siya since alam naman niya na dapat niya akong bayaran. Ilang beses ko na siya na-message pero puro excuses lang. Paano ba to?”
Mimiyuuuh's advice was direct: “Unang-una, bakit naman ho kasi kayo magdyo-jowa ng walang pera? Diyan ka nagkamali, e, nag-jowa ka ng walang pera.
"Iyan ang aking lesson learned, never ever date someone na walang pera.
"Hindi ko naman sinasabi na it really matters. Dapat kasi stable ka muna sa sarili mo bago ka magdagdag ng tao sa buhay mo.
"I think dapat talaga siyang magkusa.
"And yon nga, kung wala talagang way para mabayaran ka, I think take it na lang as a consequence, kasi nga nag-date ka ng walang pera.
"So, next time, huwag ka na lang mag-date ng walang pera."
Mimiyuuuh's statement sent social media buzzing in different directions.
Some netizens were terribly offended. They said that money, or socioeconomic status, should not be the basis for relationships and love.
Some went further and told Mimiyuuuh point-blank that she was being "matapobre," telling her she should've kept her views to herself.
In her next video on her social media platforms, Mimiyuuuh stood by her statement but she added a few clarifiers.
Mimiyuuuh explained that her statement about "never dating someone na walang pera" wasn't intended to mean that we should all date and be in relationships exclusively with wealthy people.
She was talking, she said, about finding a partner who possessed self-sufficiency, could contribute equally to a relationship, and had the drive to improve both their financial circumstances.
In her words: "I said what I said about huwag makipag-date sa mga taong walang pera.
"Walang pera, hindi naman po ibig sabihin na mag-date kayo ng mga milyonaryo, mga bilyonaryo, mga naka-Porsche, hindi po gan'on.
"Mag-date kayo ng someone na may drive. Mag-date kayo ng someone na kayang dalhin ang sarili.
"Yung hindi mangungutang at aasa sa inyo. Yun lang po yon, period."
Where some individuals were offended, others were all in agreement and came to her defense, including Kapamilya host Vice Ganda.
During an episode of It's Showtime on Tuesday, July 4, 2023, Vice Ganda fully agreed with the idea of being financially stable first before entering into a relationship.
In Vice Ganda's words: "Kung wala kang pera, wag kang mag-jowa... di ba? Hindi natin sinasabing wag kang magmahal, ah. Iba kasi yung nagmamahal sa nakikipagrelasyon.
"May pera o wala, pwede kang magmahal. Pero kung wala kang pera, wag kang makipagrelasyon."
Added the now-very-rich TV host: "Obligasyon nating lahat na gumawa ng paraan para magkapera para matustusan ang pangangailangan natin araw-araw.
"Isa yung responsibilidad sa sarili natin. Kung yung responsibilidad na yun, na lumikha ng pera para sa ating pangangailangan, ay hindi natin maiayos at masolusyonan, ba't kukuha ka pa ng isa pang responsibilidad?
"A relationship is not just a landian. It's a responsibility."
I have to say that the statements made by Mimiyuuuh and Vice Ganda are rooted in their own personal experiences.
As I understand it, both of them did not come from privileged backgrounds, which likely influences their present practical mindset when it comes to life and relationships.
SHOULD WE DATE OR NOT?
Personally, I agree with Mimiyuuuh's "never date someone na walang pera," especially in this day and age where, no exaggeration, lahat ng bilihin tumataas!
But, I agree only to an extent.
Applying this to the letter sender's situation, I say: Do not date someone who leeches off you. You should not be anyone's personal bank.
I also say: Yes, singilin mo ang ex mo sa utang niya! Lalo na kung malaki! Do not feel ashamed to collect what is rightfully yours.
If anyone should feel shame, it is your ex-partner who owes you but shows no signs of paying back!
As for getting into a courtship when you have no funds for it, imagine this: Magyayaya ka makipag-date, o kaya naman, manliligaw ka pero wala kang pera? Kanino ka kukuha ng panggastos? Sa parents mo?
Depending on parents, or anyone else, to finance your dating needs is a major red flag.
Read: Mike Tan on how he courted and married the woman he fell in love with since age 10
However, if your partner's financial difficulties arise from being the primary provider for his/her family, we need to shift our thinking a bit.
In these cases, understanding their responsibilities can play a significant role in your relationship. The key is to maintain communications to make sure that neither partner feels alone, exploited, and burdened, by financial obligations.
There are also relationships where one person has the financial means and is willing to support the significant other. That is fine.
But also expect that if one party is always carrying the financial weight of the relationship—as in, constantly shelling out money for the other person's use, constantly paying for all common purchases, constantly handing out the allowance—that party may eventually get fed up.
Getting fed up is particularly certain when the giving party doesn't see any effort from the receiving party to fix the latter's financial mess.
These situations are why it is ideal for an individual to look into investing in oneself—meeting one's needs, paying one's way, working to be independent— before entering a relationship.
That is what Mimiyuuuh and Vice Ganda are saying.
A relationship is a responsibility not just to yourself but to your partner, especially in modern relationships where couples often share financial responsibilities equally.
By focusing on personal growth and attaining financial stability, individuals can approach relationships from a place of equality and mutual support.
Whether we like it or not, money holds a substantial influence over any relationship.
FINANCIAL STABILITY AND OTHER FACTORS
But, let me say it loud and clear: financial stability is not the sole determinant of a relationship's success.
Financial stability can definitely make aspects of a relationship smoother and more comfortable, but it is the combination of factors—like, effective communication, compatibility, trust, mutual growth, support, and more— that truly shape a strong and fulfilling connection between partners.
An inspiring example for me is the relationship of my parents, Annie and Noli, who have been together 34 years, with 28 of these in marriage.
Throughout the decades, they stood side by side as they confronted serious financial issues. I clearly remember those days of living in one cramped room at my godmother's house, where my parents did everything they could to make ends meet.
It was only when my father made the courageous choice to work overseas, with my mother supporting that decision, that they transformed their dreams for our family into reality.
Fast forward to 2023, my parents have sent me and my siblings to our desired colleges, bought a house, and even given me my own car.
Observing my parents' journey has made me recognize that the success of a relationship depends on more than just financial stability.
As Mimiyuuuh said, yes, you can date or be in a relationship with someone you genuinely love, even if you or your partner are not financially there yet. But be sure you are ready because this situation presents its own set of challenges.
As we navigate the uncertain waters of love, embracing a practical mindset can provide a solid base for building connections that will thrive in the face of adversity.
Moreover, striking a balance between two realities—practicality and romance, personal standards and genuine attraction—can pave the way for an enduring partnership that can withstand the trials of time.
Yes, even if not every one of your many criteria is fulfilled.
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