Dani Barretto and fellow vlogger Jana Berenguer bare the joys, pains, wins, and struggles of being moms to special children in the 20th episode of Dani's The Bare It All Podcast, uploaded on April 9, 2024 on Spotify.
Both Jana, whose son Alonzo is afflicted with cerebral palsy, and Dani, whose daughter Millie has speech impediment, recall how they've come close to coming apart because of their children's conditions.
Read: Dani Barretto reiterates that daughter Millie is not diagnosed with autism
DANI AND JANA ADMIT FRUSTRATIONS
Dani recounts an episode when it seemed all came to a head for her because her daughter Millie could only utter two words at a time.
She recalls, "I had a moment I snapped. I don't think I've ever shared this to anybody, but I snapped.
"Naiiyak ako just remembering the time I snapped. She couldn't communicate. She was just crying and I was so mad.
"And I just said, like, ‘Just talk! Tell me what you feel!’ like, sinigawan ko na yung anak ko.
"You know, right after, I felt so bad. Like, hindi niya kasalanan yun.
"Pero ako yung na-frustrate para sa kanya. Na parang, puts@, pumitik na ako.
"Yung parang lahat ginawa ko na, lahat binayaran ko na. Kung saan-saan na kita dinala. Bakit walang nagwu-work?
"And after nun, sabi ko, ‘Alam mo, Lord, I leave it up to you na lang.’ May purpose kung bakit to nangyari.
"But that was, like, so hard for me to admit to myself na, ‘What happened? You're not allowed to snap. You're not allowed to snap.’"
Jana acknowledges that she herself had her fair share of breakdowns because of Alonzo's condition.
The mompreneur said, "Actually, I did that with Zo. As in, yung nabuhat ko siya, like, ‘I can't Zo, tama na!’
"Kasi like, he was crying and crying and this was before the trach [tracheostomy] pa.
"He was just crying and crying and crying. I didn't know what to do. I just didn't know.
"I made masahe his tummy. Usually, kasi when a baby cries, it's the tummy, right? May kabag, e, wala.
"Massage, favorite, stroll, basta literally, I did everything I could. It was 5, 4 a.m. na.
"I just, alam mo yung... ‘Zo, tama na!,’ like I don't know. I snapped.
"There was one time that I... Yun, same. Like you just don't know what else to do."
Read: Dani Barretto worries about future of daughter Millie: "How will they make friends?"
DEALING WITH MOM GUILT
Both moms rue such unexpected occurrences of frustrations over their children's conditions.
Jana admits, "Siyempre, mom guilt agad kasi nasigawan mo, e. Nasigawan mo."
Dani avers, reflecting, "Saka di nga nila ma-gets, e, di ba? Hindi naman nila gusto yun e, pero agad kong sinalba. Sabi ko, yinakap ko agad, ‘I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.’
"Bigla akong nag-sorry kasi parang sabi ko na kung kaya niya naman i-express, i-e-express naman niya, e.
"Pero parang ikaw at the moment, I was like, ‘Bakit di ko matulungan yung anak ko?’"
Jana sheds light on a possibility: "Baka that time also, she was crying because she wanted to tell you something na hindi rin niya masabi.
"Kasi like ako nung kay Zo non, talagang there was one time when I actually carried him, and ‘Mom, di ko na kaya.’
"Because I didn't have sleep for like three or four days. I didn't have sleep at all and I had a bazaar at 10 a.m.
"I just needed an hour of sleep, that's all, yung para maka-get by ako. I just carried him, knocked on my mom and then I was crying."
Jana, a single mom, adds, "Yung, I thought of myself na kasi I had to provide for him na, e. Kasi sabi ko ‘If I don't do this, ano na mangayayari sa akin?’
"So, my mom got him, and I went back, slept, but I was crying."
Dani rationalizes, "Kasi may mom guilt ka, e."
Jana then reminds everyone not to be too hard on parents because multiple things do happen that sometimes could prove too much for moms like them to deal wth.
"Pero wala, e. There are things na people don't see that, e," Jana concludes.
Way back in early 2022, Dani had opened up on social media about Millie showing signs of a speech problem.
She decided to have Millie undergo speech therapy, which could help improve her language and communication skills.
On the other hand, Jana talked about employing a tracheostomy tube, which is commonly used to treat select patients with cerebral palsy.
According to the National Institutes of Health, the tool acts as a method to circumvent blockages in the upper airway, enabling proper airflow and gas exchange.
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- Dani Barretto says daughter Millie wants to have a sibling